Dear Lord,

Thank you for granting me the self control to not kill people who are stupid and annoying. Even though it would be a service to the community if I rid the world of these people, thank you for showing me that a life in prison is not for me. I appreciate the fact that you have blessed me with a superior intelligence, but sometimes I wonder if it is a blessing, because it allows me to judge others ruthlessly and quickly become annoyed at whatever it is that they have to say. Perhaps this is my curse and my test is to see if I can actually survive and not kill anyone. Maybe when I meet the Gate Keeper, I can proudly say that I lived my life and did not murder anyone (even though they probably deserved it--of course this part will be mumbled under my breath). Once inside, I'm sure we'll have a jolly laugh at my expense because my entire existence will have been nothing but a source of amusement for you. Of course, we'll share these laughs over a cold beer while we watch others struggle to maintain composure when accosted by stupidity. So once again, thank you. I'd hate to spend my later years in jail because I couldn't control myself.
Sincerely,
Zero to Nuclear in 2.5 seconds (but with enough self control to allow you to leave alive!)